Can I have a moment?

I want to apologize for not updating too much recently. Not that it matters but this blog has definitely become a really good way for me to express myself and share my thoughts, ideas, opinions, etc. I've been really inspired by a lot of people in the blog/twitter/etc community. I love the fact that a bunch of people with similar interests from such different backgrounds and walks of life can support each other and keep it fucking real. There are more people in this world that would love to watch you fall before they would give you a hand to rise. You need to support people, you need to smile at other peoples success. The energy that you put out is gonna be the same exact energy that you receive.

It's been a rocky, long road the past few years. It's hard enough to be young but the added pressure of supporting solely yourself is tremendous. I've seemed to develop what I can "Old Bitch Syndrome!" Otherwise known as feeling way older than I am. I'm surrounded by ONLY older people. I have a few younger friends but not nearly significant enough to count against the fact that everyone else around me 28+ years old. I had a panic attack at the age of 22 because I thought I should be married by now. WHAT?! I forget my age sometimes. It makes my skin crawl when people say- "Ah you're so young!" because I feel about 30! I'm the youngest person at my job, not to mention one of the only females. In the car business- that's 2 strikes. I can't even begin to tell you what I've sacrificed to get where I am. I'm proud to have made it this far with NO DEBT, NO BAGGAGE and NO BULLSHIT.

I do try my best not to dive deep into my personal life when I blog but it's hard sometimes. Especially when you're going through a rough patch. I want to vent my little heart out sometimes. But honestly, I know there's a few people that used to be in my life that read my blog. (I know you do, don't front. It's cool) I just chose to separate myself from those people who weren't giving me the positive, supportive energy that I needed. People come and go in life, this we all know. I just would prefer that they try to avoid making an opinion of my current life because they'll assume that they "know me" but frankly, they don't know a fucking thing about me anymore. A lot can change in a few months. HELL! A lot can change in a few minutes!

Something about me that you may or may not know is that I have been supporting myself since I was 20yrs. old. I have NO family within 1000+ miles of me (except my step-bro). In the year 2009, this is rare. Most of my friends still live at home with their parents and are at least mildly supported by someone else. Independence was lost long ago. I try my best to listen to my friends when they have problems but a lot of them have NO IDEA what real issues are. I moved out of my parents house when they divorced in early 2005. I lived alone in a dumpy, over-priced apartment for a little over 2 years. I am fortunate enough to have a Mother that helped me out for a year and will always help if needed. But at the end of the day, I do this thing called LIFE by myself. I did make the decision to save money and try something new so I moved into a house in July '08 with two independent, nutty bitches. It's definitely been a learning, growing experience (to say the least). It's changed my perspective on just about everything. They've taught me a lot about myself and how certain characteristics about me effect others. Such as, my attitude. I'll be the first to admit that I can be a nasty bitch. I can change the whole energy of a room just with a look. I suppose my energy is strong or at least this is what I've been told my whole life. I definitely have a sharp tongue and snap without warning. I never realized how much one statement can effect another person. This I am working on. I tend to be well spoken and articulate but I curse more than anyone I know. I can come off so innocent and charismatic one day and completely vulgar and raw the next. Blessing? I don't know but I'm starting to blend all my personalities into one. I'm starting to really recognize and realize my faults as well as appreciate and embrace my strengths. I guess this "woman" thing is really starting to kick in.

Anyways, that was about as random as it gets. I definitely needed a vent session and to put myself out there a bit. I hope in this life I am able to take full advantage of opportunities and stay optimistic throughout. I wish nothing but the same for everyone.

Just remember to protect your heart and your bank account, stay true to yourself everyday and learn from the mistakes you make along the way.